Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? Whats the matter with you? The planet is fine . There are some secrets we keep because we can't bear to let them out and some because it's better to keep them in. Do you get on before you get on? You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? And fight songs. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. May your 60th Birthday be as magnificent as you are. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin. You are just turning 20 for the third time. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, Hyperion. When the passions have relaxed their hold, you may have escaped, not from one master but from many." Pope John XXIII: "Men are like wine. Show more. 32. But he loves you. However, he is mostly known for his dark comedy that sheds light on a variety of subjects like politics, psychology, taboo subjects, religion and the English language. George Carlin Birthday Quotes & Sayings . If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. "George Carlin: You Are All Diseased". To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for the existence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. Maybe this time itll work., 31.If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders.32.Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same a**hole your father was.61.One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.62.There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. Age, Pay, Hell. Don't forget to confirm subscription in your email. Home. Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics. Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion. George Carlinis well known for his profoundly funny and provocative quotes and one-liners. died on June 22, 2008, George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. Happy Birthday. I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. If youre born in America you get a front row seat.23.Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.24.I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. He loves you. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Don't bother what anybody else has to say, you have changed my life and I will never forget that. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. George Carlin's Estate, via HBO. His special, Seven Dirty Words became the central subject for a decision by the US Supreme Court to allow the government to censor indecent material from airing on public mediums. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. I felt better right away. 500 matching entries found. I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. Because there's no money in that problem. Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. You know why? I think your value is priceless. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 54 decision affirmed the government's power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves (wikipedia). Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. 1.Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. George Carlin Happy Birthday Quotes. It's your birthday! By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh. ":"&")+"url="+encodeURIComponent(b)),f.setRequestHeader("Content-Type","application/x-www-form-urlencoded"),f.send(a))}}},s=function(){var b={},d=document.getElementsByTagName("IMG");if(0==d.length)return{};var a=d[0];if(! cancer, the war on drugs. You are not turning 60. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesnt want you to do. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin. Showing search results for "George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes" sorted by relevance. Related Topics. It is time to party! Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.50.Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.51.I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. 500 matching entries found. Documentary, Comedy, 2005. And he always had a knack for packaging bigideas into small digestible pieces of humor. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid., by Quotezine Team April 5, 2018, 5:39 pm, by emmanuel tamrat July 8, 2016, 8:54 am, by Quotezine Team April 24, 2016, 10:32 pm, by Quotezine Team February 15, 2016, 10:17 pm, by Quotezine Team November 27, 2015, 7:19 pm, by emmanuel tamrat September 14, 2015, 2:06 pm, comedianscomedy quotesdeadfunny quotesfunny quotes and sayingsfunny sayingsgeorge carlinlovemarriageone linerspoliticsreligiontop 25. You have owners. Share with your friends. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion, George Carlin (2004). There's only the immediate future and the recent past. Thats the problem.19.We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.20.The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.21.Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me., 22.When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. No money to be made off of the homeless. Happy 60th Birthday filled with lot of happiness and joy! George Carlin Birthday Quotes & Sayings . Good. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. George Carlin. You are such a sweetheart babe! When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. Next View All. Happy Birthday, my sugar lumps! It's your birthday! (function(){var g=this,h=function(b,d){var a=b.split(". The career of comedian George Carlin (1937-2008) spanned five decades, with his first appearance on "The Tonight Show" being in 1962.He was an outspoken, acerbic social critic, and what came out of his mouthcould be shocking or even sometimes vulgar, but often his railings against injustice or stupidity or corruption shone a light on some dark areas as he said things that others would or . George Carlin (2002). The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election. "Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. American Hey'It's your 60th birthday!' We know that everyone loves a great quote and our mission here is simple to be the best and most interesting quote site in the world! TV Special, www.imdb.com. It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. 86 Copy quote. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I just love you too much. At least in the case of UFOs there have been countless taped and filmed and, by the way, unexplained sightings from all over the world, along with documented radar evidence seen by experienced military and civilian radar operators.>>. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Everything is in the 80s. We haven't tried that for a while. I dont wanna die. What does it mean to pre-board? Birthday Quotes - BrainyQuote. 1 of 10. This post is not only a celebration to everything he stood for, but a reminder that some of the most powerful messages we receive in life can come from the most unlikely places. 60 really looks great on you! Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. And I'd send him a card, 'Dear Mickey, Happy Birthday, Love George'. George Carlin American Comedian born on May 12, 1937, died on June 22, 2008 George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. Carlin was always fearless and took pride in never running from conflict. Happy Birthday to you, my dearest friend. They should be more vivid. The people are f**ked.58.If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.59.Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.60.I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. It is a celebration of someone that is loved and greatly admired. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. 218 Copy quote. Happy Birthday to you! There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. "George Carlin (1937-2008): Legendary Comedian Challenged Status Quo Throughout 50-Year Career". Booth Tarkington. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. Selfish, Leader, Ignorant. I'm not just 68. His parents split up when he was an infant because his . If I live to see your grandchildren, I'm going to tell them all the Birthday pranks we played on you every year. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. Show more. People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. If you want to know more or withdraw your consent to all or some of the cookies, please refer to the. Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.48.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.49.So, have a little fun. George will always be remembered by his fans for the influence he has had on various angles of their lives. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. 65th Birthday Birthday Wishes Funny Birthday Friends Husband Advertising God Birthday Funny Catholic Humanity Driving Addiction Smile World Movies Reason Libraries Lies. Carlin and his "Seven dirty words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. Get inspired by these Robin Williams Quotes. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.". George Carlin (1998). Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, This website or its third-party tools use cookies, which are necessary to its functioning and required to achieve the purposes illustrated in the cookie policy. One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. Every table had an argument going. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? 25 Insanely Funny George Carlin Quotes . I don't do that, why, don't give a shit! BrainyQuote has been providing inspirational quotes since 2001 to our worldwide community. Weve collected some of his greatest quotes all in one place. "Carlin on Campus". At his wife's 60th birthday party in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, d..k Cheney had a huge steak and battered onion rings for dinner. Tom, Id like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy. These days, Trajedi.63.If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?. 500 matching entries found. CBS / Landov "Weather tonight: dark. There's a humorous side to every situation. Im Alice Judy and AnQuotes is a fun hobby for me. "If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.". I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I haven't changed much since I was in my twenties. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. Updated on May 30, 2018. You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. "Orange Is the New Black Geek Is the New Chic 60 Is the New?" We havent tried that for a while. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.